When things get worse

The third week of school is approaching . Typically, at the beginning of school , my tics increase, and then start to decrease after I get into the swing of things.

Well, I’ve certainly gotten into the swing of things, but my tics have not gotten better. In fact, they’ve gotten steadily worse .

It’s not easy having tics , especially ones that are visible. As I walk to class, I can feel people staring at me. I want to tell them “I’m not actually weird! I’m actually a really nice person !” But nobody wants to make friends with the girl who screams “HAGRIDS buttcrack” every few seconds.

I fear that someone will confront me after I have my middle finger tic. I fear that the college won’t want me any more because I’m too much of a distraction. I fear that, even though my friends are soooo nice and supportive, they will tire of my tics quickly. I fear that people will think I’m faking, or just doing it for attention, since tics get better and worse and sometimes even go away for short periods of time.

I fear that people won’t understand that anything your body can do or say can be a tic, including SEEMINGLY purposeful movements and sounds , such as saying “the other day I went to the mall.” Even though it seems like a conversation starter, it’s actually a tic.

I know these fears are probably not valid. But thanks to OCD and anxiety, they’re not gonna go away. But a girl can dream, right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s